These are drafts – please read as unfinished work – there are spelling errors etc so this is a work in progress. THANKS FOR READING !
While arguing, or having a heated discussion, there are always cues, and behaviors that show up in both of you. One of the ways that I have found that helps both of you be more away of the way an argument progresses, is to have a conversation later – while following the later rule, about what actually happened during an argument.
Physically there are lots of things happening during an argument. He looks away, she looks down, he stares, she frowns. Her eyes turn dark green, and he has face twitches. She is twirling her hair in her fingers, and he always puts his hands on his hips. She is standing on one foot and he looks at her ears.
All these “interesting and common” physical attribute we have that show up while arguing are consistent. When we see them happening, noticing them will take our mind off of the argument and on to the “interesting” way he is acting.
Bringing humor to the surface brings life back to the face, and causes the deep hurt and and anger to move quickly to resolve.
Noticing what they are doing, and later having a discussion about what you saw HIM or HER doing while you argue will bring to light some fun and interesting conversations.