Most of us at age 5 are more who we are than any other time in our lives. There are some exceptions to this however most individuals are shame free, and more alive and less influenced by the environment than at any other development stage. When you see a five year old, they are pretty true to their real self. Talkative, quiet, inquisitive, or thoughtful, these basic traits follow them into adulthood. We can argue the point but allow me to have this one.

So, authentic refers to the person you would be without the effects of the influences in your world. Authentic self means you are more who you would like to be- your best self, without the shame, or any other debilitating aspects of the past in your current behavior.

This innocence of thought and behavior is who you are, combined with the experiences you have had.

Innocence means that in your innocent self, you are not judgmental or unforgiving, you are not shy or shame based, and you are not angry or fearful in ways that affect your ability to express your real needs or wants.

Like a child you are the quiet reserved person you are, or you are the outgoing talkative person you are.  Buried inside all of us are the qualities that we operate out of naturally. These inner natural ways of behaving and thinking are just part of who we are.

These natural authentic qualities are not things like anger, rage, deep inner shyness, or abusive behaviors. Authentic does not mean we do not feel the pain of the event, or enjoy the pleasure of the moment.

Authentic is a bit of a difficult thing to describe because in some ways, we are being authentic when we have been trained to think and be a certain way.  You can choose to keep a behavior or way of thinking as your own, because it is something that fits you. You get to keep that things you learned along the way because you want to. No one has the right to tell you that you are not being authentic in a particular behavior you have.

However, you do have the right, as we all do, to choose to change any behavior that you have that you feel does not fit you. Something that has developed into a behavior that does not fit who you.  These choices are very important because it means we get to define who we want to be.

Authentic isn’t “this is how my mom did it” sort of thinking.  We don’t have to be like a parent just because it was a habit or behavior they had.  Authentic is more about the inner kindness, gentleness and thoughtfullness we all have toward others. Authentic means we are willing express our dislikes, and our likes, when they occur. Authentic means we are responding to our environment in an authentic way.

When someone hurts our feelings, we don’t hide it. When we are angry, we don’t hide it. When we are happy, and like what we see, we do not hide it.

Authentic means we don’t behave because it is the “right” thing to do based on someone else’s desires.  When we do something out of obligation, generally it is not authentic. When we feel like doing something we do it.

I was watching a couple who were are a hotel the other day, in the lobby atrium where they served meals. The music moved them to dancing. They were just being authentic.  It was fun to watch.

authentic could be described as being playful when you feel like being playful. It could be described as leaning into the moment, when the moment hits you. LIke dancing!