Transparency: defined as implying openness, communication, and accountability. Transparency in a relationship is one of the most valuable tools in the “trust” category. Transparency means in this context that you are unwilling to allow things to come between you that are inside you. That includes being transparent about your entire past – childhood included.

Practicing talking about your old self, the way you were raised, unveils the inner self as no other conversation can. When we rehurse the past, it allows the other person to have deep insight and knowledge about the way our lives have been, the way our minds have been influenced, and the impact those past events have had on our current self.

HOWEVER, REHEARSING THE PAIN OF THE PAST IS NOT WHAT TRANSPARENCY IS ABOUT. What transparent conversation does is it reveals the layers of believes you have that are hidden in your heart.

When a child feels hurt, they run to mom or dad or a caretaker and want to be held and nurtured. That is what is taking place in transparency. You are learning how to let the nurturer, the one listening to you, to care for you in your story or your life. This kind of nurturing actually heals the past wound. (if you are stuck in a past issue, seek professional help). Nurturing included active listening, touching the arm or shoulder, and being with them in story. (see listening skills)

Avoiding our thoughts about our past does not work, in that it stuffs these emotions away and they come back with a vengeance at the most unexpected moment. (see bucket, and emotional well).

Transparency does not imply you are ‘transparent’ about every opinion and thought you have. I would not say “I think you are just fat” because that is being transparent about my judgement of you, but not healthy for the relationship.

Transparency is about expressing what I have experienced in the past, and how those experiences have influenced me.