Have you ever felt like when you were explaining something to someone they just didn’t get it. On my journey as a counselor I often have that experience and I recognized that there is some very plain simple language that worked almost every time. Getting someone to understand how relationships really work. That’s where this title comes from . It’s just true that’s. also with the language comes from where I say things like if you follow the rules the relationship will change if you follow the rules they worked every single time probably the biggest difficulty that I have is trying to get someone to understand the rule when it just doesn’t seem to fit them I know you know this is true we’ve all ready made up our mind about how things are and if we are not open to change and then it’s really difficult for us to change so when there is an impasse and I can’t get someone to understand what I’m saying but really it’s happening because they are not mindful enough or willing to open her mind enough to recognize what I am saying is true and what they’re thinking about is preventing them from hearing what I’m saying so as you’re reading this if something doesn’t make sense to you it might be because of the way you’re interpreting the language that I’m using what is also true as these principles don’t apply to every single situation and/or to every single couple so if someone doesn’t understand what I’m trying to explain to them I may take a different route for when they come again and try it later but I don’t try to make someone understand what I’m saying when they don’t just means that at the moment but unable to see clearly what I’m trying to explain to them the most common comment I get is “that makes sense” that’s when I know I’ve explained it and it makes sense to them you know how it is when you set with someone long enough to begin to understand how they think and when you can use language that they understand because you’re thinking about the way that they think that you can help them understand it since I don’t have the opportunity to personally set with you you might have to do some of that what is really mean by this thinking in order to really understand some of the concept I’m talking about another way to help you understand some of these concepts is to talk to someone else about them and see exactly what they are thinking about as you read the material I’ve had some wonderful experiences along the way and some of them are just some hilarious stories that have happened in my world I hope you enjoy this as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it for you
First 10 years of your life
This is a simplified rule but it works. The fist 10 years of your life your mind is in the “being molded” state. What the mind does is receive all kinds of information from it’s invironment without really questioning the validity of that information. Patters of thought are established here and they create patterns of emotions that continue into adult hood.
My experience has been that in most cases, what a mind does not get in these stages it demands in a later stage. At age 30 we can tell what a person did not get in development of it’s mind by the way a person behaves.
In broad terms, might say that when someone “just can’t live without you” it means that they did not learn how to self nurture as a child. How to take cafe of their own needs of being alone while growing up. We could say, and not always, but we could say that when someone is “needy” that neediness could be because the brain didn’t get it as a child. When someone only feels loved when you don’t argue with them, then they didn’t learn that arguing is part of life and negotiating and solving issues in a relationship isn’t about peace
Memory
A memory is like address where you live. Every time you have a memory, your mind goes to the same place in your mind, just like going to the address you live, to replay that memory. Becuase similar memories are stored together, all the negative memories in your mind are in a similar place. Sort of like a culdisac where and all the houses are very similar. When you go to that place in your mind, all the emotions of all the other events that are close gather together and make the current event much bigger than it really is.
Sort of like a black place in your brain. When you have a bunch of highly neg charged events in your life, every time you mind thinks of them it goes to that same place to tell you how you are to behave.
Your mind goes to the earlier memories to tell you how to behave today. The earlier the memory the more control it has over your behavior.
Events that shape the way your mind works affect every part of your thinking.
Learning to get rid of or release the negative emotions associated with an event turns that part of your brain from highly charged negative to no emotions. Then, when your mind goes to that area later, it finds not negative emotions to attatch too, and the memory is there just not the emotions. That way, you are not as influenced by the old event, because the current event is the only emotion you are expereincing.