The other person see’s you in a way you do not see you. This is an important part of learning how to be in a relationship that allows them to have their own truth different from yours.  When we allow someone else to have a view of us that differs from our view allows the relationship to move from you defending and managing the relationship to there being open dialog.

When there is an opinion about what just happened, the way to hear what is truly being said by the person that is not happy, is to allow them to be right. EVEN IF THEY ARE WRONG.  This means you just let the them tell you their version of what they see and feel. It’s their view of the event, and more you allow them to be heard, the more emotions of the event go away.

This often feels uncomfortable, because the person listening wants to defend them selves.

When you don’t defend, just listen, they feel acceptance that they don’t usually feel, or experience.  This typically allows the conversation to become more open, more one sided, and more productive.

Walking away from this type of conversation is not easy. One reason is you, the person who is listening, wants to be heard. The urge to tell your side of the story can be overwhelming.

I can’t count how many times I have had couples become astounded at the beauty of this simple principle. That is because it really works.

Principles that work with this one are:

The Later Rule (formally known as the shut up rule)

The One Way conversation Principle