Mutuality for me is defined this way:  We loose things in the relationship that we will never gain. There are things about the person you are married to that are not going to change. There are things about you that are not going to change. However, in a marriage you are gaining more than you loose.

Choose any habit you have and think for a while about changing it.  It does not matter what that habit is. We all have them. Could be worrying. Could be being not hanging up your cloths.  Could be over eating or could be not exercising.

Now lets talk about how hard it for you to change that habit.

When something about your spouse irritates you, it is just a habit you don’t have that you want them to change. That is how hard it is for them to change that habit.  Maybe we should see them as we are, trying to be but finding it difficult to let go of old habits.

Besides, who gets to decide about habits? It does not get to be you.

Mutuality means you discuss the potential of harm in a habit. If it is not relationship ending behavior, then work it out.  Remember, if you are being irritated by a behavior, there is one of equal value your spouse has the irritates them also.